


Come Back and Haunt Me

by amethystfox



Series: I Could Live a Little More [10]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Face Slapping, Feelings Realization, Hair-pulling, Jazzaniga, Jinks, M/M, Oral Sex, POV: Jan, POV: Paulo, POV: Winksy, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Secret Crush, Tottenham Hotspur F.C., Tottenham Hotspur FC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23231776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystfox/pseuds/amethystfox
Summary: Alternate Title: There's Something About HarryJune 2019Jan gets a surprise that throws everything he's built with Paulo into chaos.
Relationships: Jan Vertonghen/Dries Mertens (mentioned), Jan Vertonghen/Harry Winks, Paulo Gazzaniga/Jan Vertonghen, Toby Alderweireld/Jan Vertonghen
Series: I Could Live a Little More [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621807
Comments: 20
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Summer 2019  
Hampstead

  
  
  


"Bye, guys. Thanks for coming," Jan called, closing the door behind his teammates. Almost everyone had left by now, and Jan was a little relieved. It was always fun to hang out with the guys, but they could be exhausting after a while, especially when there was alcohol involved, and there had been today. After all, what was a summer barbecue without beer? 

He shouldn't have been surprised at how quickly things had gotten out of hand, he supposed. A lot of the guys liked to indulge over the summer break, especially the ones who abstained during the season. Jan knew that and he had planned today partly with that in mind, insisting that everyone take cabs to and from his house to avoid any possibility of someone being stupid and getting behind the wheel when they shouldn't. He had stayed sober as well, on the off chance that he would be needed to drive anyone home.

But it was fine, he didn't need to drink to enjoy being around his friends, though he had to admit it might have been fun to let himself go a little more today as well. He had been hard pressed to resist when Toby had cornered him coming back from the bathroom, pushing him against a wall and kissing him, whispering to Jan the things he wanted to do to him. But tempting as the idea was, of letting Toby suck him off while the rest of the team was out in his back garden, that was firmly in the category of Bad Ideas. So he had sent Toby on his way, promising they could have some time together tomorrow or the next day, and rejoined the group, hoping no one was the wiser.

But finally he had gotten all the guys bundled into cabs and Ubers-- well, almost all. The only one left now was Winksy, but he lived close enough to Jan that it wouldn't be any trouble to drive him home once he was ready. Jan didn't mind hanging out with him a bit longer, either; Harry was a much quieter drunk than most of the other lads.

Jan dropped onto the couch next to him now with a sigh, ready to relax after the boisterousness of the day spent entertaining his rowdy friends. His only real complaint about the day was that Paulo hadn't been there, but he was on vacation with Patricia. Jan missed him almost more than he could stand, but he had kept himself busy, telling himself that the time apart would only make it that much more intense and exciting when they were together again.

Harry, who was staring rather blankly at the TV, blinked and grumbled something that Jan couldn't quite catch. He had definitely had more than was good for him, but he was one of the ones who normally never drank at all. Jan rather liked seeing him indulge himself for once.

"Having fun, Winksy?" Jan asked, patting him gently on the knee. They had always been friendly, but lately Harry had seemed oddly distant, even slightly chilly around Jan. He had hoped he'd just been imagining it, but he couldn't begin to read Harry right now. He looked almost petulant, like someone had taken away his favourite toy, but Jan chalked it up to the two Smirnoff Ices Winks had had.

He was about to withdraw his hand from Harry's knee, but suddenly Harry grabbed his wrist. "Harry?" he said, glancing over at his young friend. "Everything okay?"

"Jan…" Harry mumbled, not letting go of his arm.

Jan's brow creased with concern. "What is it? Are you feeling all right?"

"Jan, just… just shut up," Harry slurred, and then he was kissing Jan.

Jan froze. He had never considered Harry as anything but a friend, almost a younger brother. He had only been sixteen to Jan's twenty-five when they had met, after all, and part of Jan had never really been able to see him as an adult before now. He  _ knew _ Harry was an adult, of course, but he always looked and acted so innocent that it made him seem younger than he was.

But now… now Harry was kissing him, now his tongue was in Jan's mouth, and something new awoke inside him with a roar, demanding that he kiss Harry back, that he grab him by the hair, shove him down on the couch, tear his clothes off…

Jan jerked away from Harry so abruptly that he nearly fell over. He stared down at both his own rock hard cock tenting his shorts, and at the drunken young man who had caused it, who was currently slumped down on the couch with his face in his hands.

"Shit," Jan muttered, realising that Harry was crying. "Harry, come on, let's get you home."

Getting Harry buckled into the passenger seat of his car was more of a challenge than Jan expected, especially since his dick was refusing to settle down. When he pulled Harry into his arms to steer him out the door, Harry tried to kiss Jan again, rubbing himself against Jan's front, threatening to make Jan lose control. Jan gritted his teeth and turned Harry around, pinned his arms to his sides and frog-marched him out the door.

Getting Harry into the car wasn't any easier. In the end Jan had to practically scoop him up off his feet to stuff him into the seat, which Harry took as his cue to drape himself across Jan's shoulders and neck, kissing Jan's neck and winding his fingers into Jan's hair.

Finally he got Harry into the seat and buckled in and shut the door with a sigh. He had no idea what was happening, or how he would deal with it. The only thing that he could cling to, that made any sense to him right now, was to get Harry home as quickly as he could.

Jan privately thanked whatever deities there might be that it was a short drive from his house to Winksy's. Harry spent the entire drive crying silently, and watching the tears slide down his face was breaking Jan's heart. He wanted to reach over and wipe them away, but he didn't trust himself to touch Harry any more than necessary right now. He was too beautiful, too vulnerable.

Once he had gotten Harry to his doorstep and found the right key on Harry's keyring, Jan hesitated. He hated the idea of leaving Harry alone like this.

"Winksy," he muttered. "You going to be okay?"

Harry clutched at Jan's arms. "Stay with me? Please?" he whispered, his mouth too close to Jan's ear for safety.

"I can't," Jan said, though his body screamed at him to just give in, to give Harry what he clearly wanted. "I just… I can't."

With that he pulled away, fled back to his car, and drove home with Harry's tears drying on his cheek.

  
  


***

  
  


  
  


The next few days were agony for Jan. He hadn't felt so alone in ages, certainly not since he had taken up with Paulo, and later, Toby and Dries. But he didn't want to interrupt Paulo's romantic getaway with Patricia, and he didn't feel comfortable talking to Toby or Dries about this-- which meant he ended up having to put Toby off, despite his promise that they could have some time alone together to pick up where they had left off during the barbecue. He knew Toby's feelings were hurt, but there was really nothing he could think to do about it right now.

Which left Sophie, but he didn't know how to broach the subject with her either. She had been so understanding and supportive about her husband having other lovers, he hated to think of telling her that there was yet another person complicating matters now. She had assured him repeatedly that it didn't bother her, and he had always been careful to keep plenty of time for them to spend together, but somehow the idea of talking to her about his reaction to Harry made him uncomfortable.

Of course, that was partly because thinking about his reaction to Harry made him uncomfortable no matter how he tried to think about it. He had always been inclined to submission, and he loved it. He loved turning over control to Paulo, loved the feeling of absolute trust and safety that he felt with Paulo; even when Paulo was punishing him, he felt absolutely safe. He loved doing whatever Paulo ordered him to do in bed, too-- his Dom was endlessly creative when it came to finding new ways to emphasise that Jan belonged to him and that every inch of his body was Paulo's, to use as he saw fit.

He had never expected that he would feel anything like this, this… craving that he had for Winksy now, to claim him, to sink his teeth into him and scream  _ mine. _ He wanted to make him kneel, make him beg, make him scream in pleasure and pain. He wanted to bend him over any surface handy and fuck him until he cried.

Jan shuddered when that thought crossed his mind. He'd never thought he was capable of the kind of aggression Winksy seemed to inspire in him, and he didn't know what to do about it.

He had tried to check in with Harry, just to make sure he was okay, but all his texts had gone unanswered. The stress of it was starting to wear on him, and he didn't know what to do at all. He was worried about Harry, missing Paulo, feeling guilty about Toby, and trying to keep up a facade of normalcy for Sophie and the kids.

It was too much. He was in bed with Sophie when it spilled over. He was coming down from orgasm, and he couldn't keep it in any longer. He slumped down on top of Sophie, buried his face between her breasts, and broke down in tears.

"Jan," she said in alarm, "Darling, what is it?"

"I-- I--" he sobbed, gasping for breath. He didn't want to make Sophie worry, but he still didn't know how to tell her what was going on.

"Jan, talk to me, please," she said, her brow creased with worry. "What's wrong? Please tell me."

He shook his head, gulping helplessly. He rolled off of her and pressed his hands over his face.

"Is it something I've done?"

He shook his head again, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

"Is it something with the kids?"

"N-no…"

She relaxed marginally, but didn't relent. "Is something wrong between you and Paulo?" she asked gently.

He could only shake his head.

"Toby? Dries?"

He shook his head again, sniffling pitifully. He couldn't sort any of it out in his head right now.

"Okay, then… darling, I am out of ideas. You're going to have to talk to me about it, or I won't be able to help," she said, curling an arm around his chest and kissing his temple.

"I don't… I don't know if you can help," he whispered miserably.

"You won't know that unless you let me try, Jan," she murmured, stroking his hair.

He drew in another deep breath and swallowed. "The other day, after the barbecue… everyone had left but Winksy, and he…"

She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"He… well, he kissed me."

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's a surprise, but why does that make you this upset?"

"I just… I never thought of him like that before," he said weakly. "And I… I don't know." He swallowed, trying to find the words to explain it to her, but the lump in his throat was choking him again.

"Have you talked to Paulo about it yet?" 

He shook his head.

"Well, I would say that would probably help. And I… well, I know I'm not really part of your relationship with him and the others, but you know you can always talk to me about anything, don't you?"

He nodded absently. He did know. She had been a constant in his life for a very long time, and he was grateful. He wanted to tell her so, but another wave of guilt swept over him.

"Sophie, am I… am I being greedy?"

She blinked in surprise. "Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"I just… I already have you, and Paulo, and Toby and Dries…"

"Darling, not in the slightest. Having enough love to share with more than one partner is  _ generous, _ not greedy." She kissed him again, and again, and again, stifling each attempt he made to protest.

"For what it's worth, if you like Harry and want to give it a try with him, then you have my blessing, as long as the same basic ground rules apply. But I still think you should talk to Paulo, about whatever else is bothering you. I can tell  _ something _ is," she added when he weakly tried to object.

He sighed. "I just… I don't want to bother him on vacation," he admitted.

She rolled her eyes at that. "Jan, for crying out loud. He  _ loves _ you, and if he finds out that you're this upset over something like this, do you think he would be happy that you put off talking to him about it?"

She had a point. Paulo had repeatedly emphasised to Jan that one of  _ his _ needs, as Jan's Dom, was to take care of Jan, no matter what that meant. He had encouraged Jan to come to him with any problem, even the ones that he genuinely could not help with. Confiding in Paulo, being comforted by him, had very quickly become something that Jan relied on heavily, but it was something that Paulo relied on as well, being able to feel sure that Jan was all right. If he came back from vacation to find that Jan had kept this from him and struggled with it on his own, he would be devastated.

He made a face at Sophie now. "Why do you always have to be right?"

She shrugged, a smug smile playing about her lips. "Because I know you, Jan Vertonghen, and I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed her with a sigh, rolled over, and grabbed his phone.

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:27]: Hey… I didn't want to bother you on vacation, but something happened and I don't know what to do and I'm not handling it very well _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:27]: Winks kissed me the other day _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:28]: he was kind of drunk and I don't know if he really meant anything by it, but now he won't talk to me at all _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:28]: and I freaked out a little _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:28]: because of how it made me feel _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:28]: and I really need you but… I didn't want to bother you :( _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:29]: Jan, you should know by now, you never bother me _  
_ >>From: Paulo G [15:29]: I'm coming home _

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:29]: you don't have to do that, I'll be okay til you get back _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:30]: do not argue with me _

Jan flushed, a surge of heat rising in him that he couldn't have stopped if he had wanted to.

_ <<To: Paulo G [15:30]: yes, sir _  
_ <<To: Paulo G [15:30]: I love you _

_ >>From: Paulo G [15:31]: I love you too. _

  
  


***

  
  


Knowing that Paulo was coming home lifted a weight off of Jan's shoulders, more than he had expected. Just knowing that soon he would be able to fall into Paulo's arms and, for a little while, turn over his burdens to him made him feel so light that he wanted to sing. Not that he  _ would, _ of course. Paulo had forbidden him to sing long since.

But it did make him feel good enough that he decided to take care of at least one of his concerns.

_ <<To: Toby A [16:16]: hey _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:17]: hey _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:17]: Tobes, I'm sorry I've been putting you off _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:17]: I thought you were mad at me or something _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:18]: no, of course not. Something crazy happened after the barbecue the other day and it's been bugging me. I haven't really gotten it figured out yet so I don't… think I should tell you too much about it until I do. It's nothing about you, I promise, but that's why I've been distant since then _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:18]: well, can't say I'm not curious, but I'll live. I learned my lesson about not sticking my nose in things that aren't my business ;) _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:19]: did you though? :P _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:19]: ah, shut up, Jan _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:19]: anyway, I wanted to see if you're free tonight. I seem to recall you saying something the other day about wanting to suck me off  _ 😇

_ >>From: Toby A [16:20]: sure, blow me off for a couple of days and then text me when you want your dick sucked _  
_ >>From: Toby A [16:20]: that's a surefire way to make me want to do it  _ 👍

_ <<To: Toby A [16:20]: aww, Tobes, I didn't mean to blow you off _  
_ <<To: Toby A [16:20]: but if you *want* me to blow you, all you have to do is ask ;) _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:21]: okay, fine. I'll come over, and I'll forgive you if you blow me. Then we'll see if I feel like returning the favour _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:21]: hmph _  
_ <<To: Toby A [16:21]: if you're going to be mean to me then maybe I'll find somebody else to play with _

_ >>From: Toby A [16:21]: oh, fuck you _  
_ >>From: Toby A [16:21]: you know I'm going to suck your dick _  
_ >>From: Toby A [16:21]: asshole _

_ <<To: Toby A [16:21]: yay! ^_^ See you soon _

  
  
  


***

  
  


Later, when he and Toby were both exhausted, they lay in bed, snuggling with Jan's head pillowed on Toby's chest. Toby was running his fingers through his hair, and Jan was daydreaming idly about seeing Paulo, when Jan's phone suddenly buzzed. Jan lazily snagged it from the nightstand without moving his head from its resting place, and held it up over his head so he could see the screen.

_ >>From: Harry W [19:34]: yeah im fine _  
_ >>From: Harry W [19:34]: don't worry about it tho, i'll leave u alone _

Jan's phone fell out of his fingers, hitting him on the jaw and bouncing down on the mattress next to Toby.

"Shit," he grumbled, rubbing his jaw. 

"What the hell?" Toby asked, jerking his fingers away from Jan's head. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," he said, searching for his phone.

"It's right here," Toby muttered, holding Jan's phone up. Jan reached up and grabbed at it, but too late.

"Wait, why is Winksy going to leave you alone? What'd he do?"

Jan felt himself blushing. "Nothing," he hissed, snatching the phone out of Toby's fingers.

"Sorry," Toby said, sounding slightly hurt. "I didn't mean to…"

Jan fidgeted. "It's not… I mean…"

He didn't finish the sentence and they lay in silence for a couple of minutes.

"I, um. I'm sorry if I was prying, but… whatever happened after the barbecue… was it with Winksy?"

"Toby, I…"

"Jan, I'm not… not judging you, or anything, okay? Just… be careful with him, eh?"

"What? I don't--"

"Look, I'm just saying. You can do whatever you want, but just… don't break his heart, okay?"

_ "What?" _

Toby exhaled slowly. "Jan, for god's sake. How can you not know what I'm talking about?"

"Break his-- Tobes, how could I break his heart? He's not…" Jan trailed off, realisation dawning.

"Fuck," Toby muttered. "I had no idea you were  _ that _ oblivious. You seriously didn't know that Harry's been in love with you for… I dunno, at least as long as I've been at Spurs?"

Jan sat up and buried his face in his hands with a groan. 

  
  
  


***

  
  


Winksy still wouldn't answer any of Jan's texts after that, leaving those two cryptic messages as the only communication Jan had had from him since he had driven away from him the night of the barbecue. Nothing he said seemed to make any difference, and he had come to suspect that Harry simply wasn't reading anything that Jan had sent him.

Which was why he was here now, standing on Harry's doorstep, quietly panicking as the seconds ticked by after he had rung the bell. Part of him half-seriously contemplated fleeing, but the other half forced him to stay put, waiting for the door to creak open and show Jan his young friend on the other side.

It didn't open. Jan rang the bell again, and a third time, but no answer seemed to be forthcoming.

Jan leaned heavily against the door, trying not to cry. He suddenly didn't care anymore, not about Harry kissing him, or about Toby's claim that Harry was in love with him, or about the hungry, almost violent way Jan had reacted. The only thing he cared about right now was that he seemed to have lost a friend.

In desperation he pulled out his phone, thinking of texting Harry, despite knowing that he almost certainly wouldn't answer. But to his surprise, Harry beat him to the punch.

_ >>From: Harry W [10:52]: go away, Jan _

_ <<To: Harry W [10:53]: Harry, can we please talk about this?  _

_ >>From: Harry W [10:53]: dunno why you want to, you made it clear enough you don't want to be bothered with me _  
_ >>From: Harry W [10:53]: and that's fine, wouldn't want to hang round someone who didn't care about me _

_ <<To: Harry W [10:54]: Harry, I honestly have no idea what you mean _  
_ <<To: Harry W [10:54]: please open the door _

_ >>From: Harry W [10:54]: why can't you take a hint _

Something started boiling in Jan's belly, something strange and dark and new and exciting.

_ <<To: Harry W [10:55]: Winks, don't you dare tell me I don't care about you _  
_ <<To: Harry W [10:55]: if I didn't, I wouldn't be here _  
_ <<To: Harry W [10:55]: now open the fucking door _

To his surprise, the door clicked as it was unlocked, and then it swung inward, so suddenly that Jan stumbled, nearly colliding with Harry on the other side.

"Fuck," he muttered. "Sorry."

Harry ignored him, taking a step back from the door. "Come in, I guess." With that he wheeled around and stalked away, down the hall. Jan hastily followed, closing the door behind him.

He found Harry in his living room, slouched down on the couch, staring disinterestedly at a paused game of FIFA. When Jan went to sit down next to him Harry deliberately turned his face away, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Harry, come on. I know this is awkward but we have to talk about it, yeah?"

"No, we really don't. Nothing to talk about, is there?"

"Harry," Jan snapped. "I don't know why you're being such an ass all of a sudden, but will you cut it the fuck out? You're my friend and I care about you."

Harry mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Jan asked sharply.

"I  _ said, _ not the way you care about some of your friends."

Jan went still. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not an idiot, Jan. I've seen you with Paulo. I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one is watching. I know you text with him all the time. I know sometimes you go home with him after games, and who fucking knows what you do with him there."

Jan's insides felt like they were turning to ice. Was he really that obvious? Or--

"And why are you watching me this closely, eh?"

Harry shrugged, but he was blushing.

"Whatever I do or don't do with Paulo is not your business, is it?"

Harry ignored him and plowed on. "And then I figured well, okay, it's weird but okay, maybe you have something special going on with Paulo that I don't get, fine, whatever. But then…" He paused for a swig from his drink. "Then I was at your house and I saw you kissing Toby and promising to let him suck you off and it was just a little much. How many guys on the team are you fucking, anyway?"

Jan slapped him before he quite realised what he was doing. It wasn't a hard blow, but it was enough to make Harry's mouth drop open in surprise. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, and Jan could feel his dick hardening inside his joggers. He swallowed, shifting to try to minimise how apparent it was, but then he noticed that Harry was getting hard as well.

That dark little voice inside him started whispering again. He shivered, trying to keep his head.

"My relationship with Toby is none of your business, either, you little stalker," he said, gritting his teeth, striving to stay in control. "Stop being such a shit. Why do you even care who I fuck?" He thought he knew the answer, but he wanted to make Harry say it.

Harry blushed and turned his face away from Jan, but didn't answer.

Jan reached out and took Harry firmly by the chin, turning his head back towards him, and tilted his chin up, trying to make him meet Jan's eyes.

"Look at me," he demanded in a voice he almost didn't recognise.

Harry's blush deepened, but he lifted his eyes and met Jan's gaze directly for the first time since Jan had rung the bell.

_ Fuck, he is so beautiful, _ Jan thought, distracted for a moment by the intensity of Harry's big brown eyes, normally so sweet and innocent, dark now with something Jan had never seen there before.

"Answer me," he growled. "Why do you care?"

"Be-because I'm… I'm jealous," Harry admitted finally, his voice a soft whine. 

"You are jealous of…?"

"Anyone," Harry whispered. "Anyone that gets to be with you."

"You want me?"

Harry nodded silently.

"And you think acting like this will make me want you?"

Harry jerked away from him suddenly. "Fuck you," he spat. "Quit toying with me, you made it perfectly clear the other day that you don't. I should've known better."

Jan frowned. "You are talking about at my house, the other day?"

"What else would I be talking about?" Harry muttered resentfully. "I threw myself at you and you turned me down. End of story. Now get out of my house, why don't you."

"Harry, you were  _ drunk," _ Jan hissed. "You thought I would take advantage of you like that?"

"I wasn't  _ that _ drunk," Winks protested weakly.

"Oh, yes you were. I had to practically carry you to the car to get you home. All you could do on your own was try to kiss me. And cry."

Harry flushed, with anger this time. "Sorry for bothering you with my feelings," he snapped, getting to his feet. "It won't happen again. Now fuck off."

Something snapped inside of Jan. Before he knew it he was on his feet as well, with Harry's hair caught in his fist, yanking him back towards Jan. He brought his lips down to Harry's ear, aware that he was digging his erection into Harry's lower back.

"You don't know a damn thing about what's going on here," he snarled in Harry's ear. "You have no idea how hard I'm trying not to hurt you right now." He held Harry there, breathing hard against his neck, fighting with all his strength to keep from sinking his teeth into that soft skin.

Then he caught the faint sound of Harry whimpering in pain, and he recoiled. He released his grip on Harry's hair, pushed him away, and then he was running, away from Harry, away from the dark voice inside him, away from the urges he had been so close to heeding, to tear Harry apart. He ran out the door and back to his car without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working my way up to this for a while, so I hope y'all enjoy! If so, please comment-- I looooove comments! Or you can find me on Tumblr as amethyst-fox-jv.


	2. Chapter 2

Jan had no memory of actually driving home, just of driving with his fists clenched so tightly around the steering wheel that not just his knuckles but all of his hands were white and bloodless by the time he pulled into his own driveway. He stopped dead in the garage, glaring down at the persistent erection he had had since he had left Harry's house. He didn't think he could handle trying to explain it all to Sophie right now. He had to do something.

He ducked into the house and immediately locked himself in the guest bathroom. He stared at his drawn face in the mirror, feeling guilty about what he was about to do. Finally he sighed and slipped down his joggers, just enough to get a hand around his uncooperative dick.

He tried to get it over with as quickly as possible, thinking of Paulo, of Sophie, of every lover he had ever had, but nothing was working. He gritted his teeth, hating himself just a little bit, and let his mind drift back to Harry. The way he had kissed Jan. The way he had drunkenly combed his fingers through Jan's hair. How  _ his _ hair had felt between Jan's fingers. The way it had felt to slap his face...

Jan squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he felt himself nearing the end, but it didn't help. He still felt the tears spilling down his cheeks, even as he gasped and came into the tissues he clutched in his hand.

He sat on the closed lid of the toilet for a while after that with his head in his hands. He still didn't really know what to do. He had gone over to Harry's house to try to make things better between them, but he had a feeling he had only made things worse.

As things stood right now, he couldn't see a way out. Harry surely wouldn't want anything to do with Jan after the way he'd behaved. Maybe, if he was lucky, they might be able to keep it professional enough to still play together for Spurs, but he couldn't imagine that Harry would have any interest in trying to be friends anymore. Which was probably for the best, really. If they spent time together outside of football, it would probably only be a matter of time before Jan lost control again and ended up hurting Harry.

Finally he took a deep breath, washed his face in the sink, and left the bathroom, ignoring the cold lump that seemed to be lodged in his stomach. He made his way to the bedroom, thinking maybe he would just lie down for a bit and try to get his mind off of the whole mess.

But when he opened the door to his bedroom, he found Paulo waiting for him inside, sitting on the divan under the large bay window.

Jan stopped short, his mouth dropping open in shock. He had known Paulo was on his way back, but he had still expected it to take him longer than this to fly back from Greece.

_ "Paulo," _ Jan said wonderingly, which Paulo took as his cue to close the distance between them and gather Jan up in a hug that felt better than Jan had ever dreamed. He pressed Jan's face into his shoulder, stroking his hair with one hand and caressing his lower back with the other.

"Jan," he murmured, turning his head enough to kiss Jan's temple. "My Jan."

And then Jan was crying. It was as if Paulo's touch, his voice, everything about him that screamed how much he loved Jan, had burst a dam inside of him. He cried so hard he shook, clinging to Paulo's arms for support and burying his face in Paulo's neck.

Paulo held him like that for a minute, then gently led him over to sit on the divan. Paulo handed him a tissue, cupped his face in those huge hands of his, and then his lips were on Jan's. Despite having been apart for more than a week, it wasn't the hungry, passionate kiss Jan had daydreamed about, the one that would immediately lead to clothes being shed and everything else forgotten in the pursuit of pleasure.

This kiss was different; it was-- careful, somehow, and so gentle that Jan felt himself relaxing in a way he usually associated with the afterglow of a session with Paulo. It was full of love, but oddly empty of lust. Right now, though, it was exactly what Jan needed.

Paulo kissed him like that for a while, holding him close and rubbing his tense muscles soothingly. Finally he broke the kiss and just held Jan close as he calmed, giving Jan the lead, the space to speak when he was ready.

"I missed you," Jan managed at last.

"And I missed you,  _ schatje," _ Paulo whispered, stroking his hair.

"I'm sorry you had to come back early--"

"Shh." Paulo brushed his fingers against Jan's lips. "That's not important now. If you need me, then this is where I belong."

"Paulo, I-- I don't know how it all went so mad, so fast," Jan whispered. "I felt better after I talked to you, but then I spent some time with Toby, and-- I didn't tell him about Winksy, but he put it together anyway--"

Paulo laughed softly. "He does this a lot, I think."

"Yeah, he does… anyway, he told me… well, he seems to think Harry's in love with me, that he has been for years." Jan tried to laugh at what a ridiculous notion it was, but it rang hollow. Paulo only raised an eyebrow and motioned for him to go on.

Jan was taken aback at Paulo's lack of surprise. "I mean… do you think he's right?"

Paulo gave him a sad smile. "Yes."

Jan was stunned. Did everyone know about this somehow? How had he not noticed? "I… what?"

Paulo took his hand. "I thought so for a long time. Since…" He paused, and then he laughed softly. "Since I first started to have feelings for you myself. I saw the way he looked at you when we filmed those Christmas videos. It was part of what made me pay more attention to you, and then I noticed how beautiful you are, began to understand who you are, and..." He shrugged. "I certainly can't blame him for feeling this. I would be a hypocrite, no?"

Jan rubbed his head, feeling overwhelmed. "How did I miss it?"

"Don't blame yourself, Jan. He tries to hide it whenever you pay attention to him. It is when you look away that he lets himself stare at you."

Jan sighed. "That just makes it that much worse."

"You don't have any interest in him, then?"

"I… well, I never thought about it before. But then, when he kissed me…" Jan shuddered, remembering the way he had reacted.

"When he kissed you…?"

"I… I wanted him, but…" Jan felt his eyes prickling with tears again. "I wanted to-- to have him, kiss him, but I also wanted to fuck him, and h-hurt him."

Paulo's eyes widened in genuine surprise at this, but he didn't say anything.

"I didn't do anything, he'd been drinking, so I just took him home, but then he wouldn't talk to me after that, so I went over there today to try to talk to him…" Jan drew in a deep, shaky breath. "When I finally got him to open the door, we… well, we argued, and I…" 

Jan winced, his cheeks burning with shame at the memory. "I slapped him, and I pulled his hair, and I wanted him so bad, Paulo, I wanted to bite him and bend him over and fuck him until he screamed, but it scared me and I ran away, came straight back here." He shrank away from Paulo, feeling gross, like he didn't deserve to touch Paulo now.

But Paulo held onto him tightly, refusing to let him pull away. "Jan," he breathed. He moved now, somehow still keeping Jan in place, but he slid off and sank into a crouch in front of him, clasping both of Jan's hands in his. "Jan, my love. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this while I was away. I wish I had been here, to tell you you don't need to be scared."

"What? But--"

"Shh. Listen to me now,  _ schatje." _ Paulo waited for Jan to nod. "I didn't expect you would ever feel like this. If I had, I would have talked to you about it sooner. But you are such a perfect submissive, I never guessed that you had this in you, the dominance. Maybe it took this, it took Harry to bring it out in you. But feeling this way… it doesn't make you a bad person, Jan. It doesn't mean you  _ really _ want to hurt Harry. It means you have some of the same needs as I do, as any person who has ever been a Dominant does. And if you learn to handle them correctly, it can be a wonderful thing."

Jan just stared at Paulo. "But… but I don't want to stop being yours. I can't do both, can I?"

Paulo considered. "Some people do both, switch back and forth, sometimes with the same partner, sometimes different with different partners. If this is what you want, I think we can make it work. I certainly don't intend to give you up, but if you want to explore this, then I will help you."

Jan was silent for a while, processing all of this. "What if… I mean, surely Harry won't want this. He won't want to be with me if I hurt him. Why would he?"

Paulo rolled his eyes. "Jan, do you want to be with me?"

"Of course, but--"

"It is not different. I have these same urges when I think of you. I have just learned to control them, to channel them properly so that we can both enjoy our time together. Have I hurt you?"

Jan blushed. "Only… only in good ways," he murmured.

"Exactly. You enjoy the things we do together, even when-- maybe  _ especially _ when I cause you pain, yes?"

Jan nodded, feeling heat rising in him like the incoming tide.

"Maybe Harry will enjoy it too."

Jan chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip, but he couldn't quite shake the doubt.

"You won't know unless you ask, though, yes?"

"How on Earth am I going to do that? I expect right now he probably hates me. He thinks… I don't even know what he must think of me now."

"Would it help if I was with you?" Paulo asked gently.

Jan considered. Harry had sounded so bitter when he had talked about seeing Jan go home with Paulo after games. He wasn't sure how Harry would react to Paulo right now. But if they were going to fix this, then Jan had to talk to Harry, and he didn't think he could do that without Paulo.

Finally he took a deep breath and nodded.

"We'll figure this out,  _ mi pelirrojito," _ Paulo said softly. "I promise."

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Harry heard his front door slam behind Jan and sank down onto the couch, his head spinning. He hadn't expected this. He'd braced himself for Jan telling him that he didn't feel that way about him, that Harry needed to get over this so that they could still play together and be professionals and all that. He had been dreading it, but he had been more or less prepared for it.

But for Jan to pull his hair? To pull Harry against him, growling at him like that, while he pushed his unmistakably hard dick into Harry's back? Harry hadn't expected that at all. And the things he had said…

It didn't make any sense. Did Jan like him, or hate him? The heat he'd felt from Jan in that moment suggested the former, but Jan's harsh words about how close he was to hurting him suggested the latter.

He curled up on his couch, trying to sort it all out. None of it made sense. He had never seen Jan like that before. Of course, he had never thought that Jan was anything other than straight, either, until recently. He'd begun to suspect something was up when he noticed Jan and Paulo leaving the stadium together after games, but he had only picked up on it towards the end of the season, when there were only a few games left, so he couldn't be sure how significant that was. He had thought he'd seen other signs that something was going on, but he'd never really been sure.

But at the barbecue, he'd gone into the house  _ (you were looking for Jan, _ an annoying little voice whispered inside his mind) and seen Jan and Toby kissing in the hall outside the bathroom. He'd stared for a moment, but when they broke apart and Toby started mumbling about how much he wanted to suck Jan's dick, Harry had ducked behind the couch, his heart pounding. Toby had been drinking, he knew, so at first he'd been prepared to put it down to that, but then he'd heard Jan murmuring back to Toby, telling him that maybe they could be together the next day, promising to let Toby suck him off then, and there was no more room for doubt.

That was when Harry had decided to have a drink, even though he usually preferred not to. If Jan was somehow involved with both Paulo  _ and _ Toby, then maybe, just maybe, Harry had a chance, but he knew that he would never be brave enough sober.

But then everything had gone wrong. He hadn't counted on his tolerance being so low, or on Jan being all noble and insisting on taking him home right when Harry had gotten up the nerve to kiss him.

God, he'd wanted to die of embarrassment after that. He had spent seven years keeping his feelings for Jan hidden and then when he had finally decided to do something about it Jan had turned him down flat. He couldn't handle it. He'd tried to ignore Jan after that, but the texts had kept coming, asking if Harry was okay, saying that Jan was worried about him. He had finally snapped, firing off a couple of texts that he knew were childish, then putting Jan on mute. He hadn't expected Jan to turn up at his house and insist on talking to him. Harry couldn't even put his finger on why he had decided to open the door. 

He knew he'd been acting like a brat once he'd let Jan in, too, but something about the way Jan was acting just seemed to bring it out in him. It had been a shock when Jan had slapped him, particularly when he'd gotten hard from it. 

Nothing about this made any sense. His face and his scalp both still tingled from Jan's surprising roughness, but his whole body seemed to be pulsing in time with his heartbeat, his cock throbbing almost painfully in his jeans. He buried his face in the couch cushions and pushed a hand down against himself, hating how desperate he was, how much he still wanted Jan, how confusing everything seemed.

Harry didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily, and pulled it out. He had forgotten that he had unmuted Jan earlier.

_ >>From: Jan V [13:02]: Harry… I'm sorry for how I acted _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:02]: can we try to talk about this again? _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:02]: I'll try to keep better control this time _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:03]: please, Harry _

He sighed. He didn't really want to see or talk to Jan right now… except, yes, he did. He loved Jan; he didn't know how he could face him right now, but he always wanted to see him, treasured every moment he got to spend with him.

_ <<To: Jan V [13:04]: fine I guess _  
_ <<To: Jan V [13:04]: im still home if u want to come over again _

_ >>From: Jan V [13:04]: okay, I can come over _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:04]: is it okay if Paulo comes with me? I'll explain everything, I promise _

Harry blinked. He couldn't imagine why Jan would want to bring Paulo with him for this. His first instinct was to be jealous and snip at Jan about Paulo, but he thought better of it. He still didn't understand what was going on between those two, but maybe having Paulo there would keep things from getting too out of hand.

_ <<To: Jan V [13:05]: I guess, whatever _

He winced as soon as he sent it.  _ Still not terribly mature there, Harry. _

_ >>From: Jan V [13:05]: thanks, Harry. We'll be there soon _

Harry stared at the message, his stomach churning. He had no idea what was going to happen, but it seemed like  _ something _ was inevitable now.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time his doorbell rang Harry had worked himself into a knot of anxiety dreading what Jan and Paulo were going to say. He still couldn't seem to figure out anything about this whole mess. All he knew was that something about the way Jan had grabbed him before terrified him and excited him both. He had seen Jan angry before, of course, but this felt different somehow. It didn't even feel like anger, not really, which only made it that much scarier. But he also couldn't banish from his mind the way it had felt to have Jan's dick digging into the small of his back, big and hard and immediate. He'd been wrestling with himself over it ever since Jan had jerked away from him and left earlier. Oh, he had wanked over Jan plenty of times before, but this felt-- different. It didn't feel quite right, despite all his previous fantasies of Jan pressing up against him in similar fashion. And so he sat waiting, painfully hard and full of dread.

When the bell rang he stumbled to his feet, quickly rearranging himself to try to hide his arousal as much as possible, and went to go let in the man who haunted his dreams and the man whose connection to all of this Harry still hadn't quite pieced together.

He tried to keep his face neutral when he opened the door, but he had a sinking feeling he wasn't managing very well. He'd never been able to keep his feelings from showing on his face, and judging between Jan's face, impassive but tense, and Paulo's, which was oddly sympathetic, he had no reason to assume he had suddenly gotten any better at it.

"Hi," Jan said softly. "Can we come in?"

Harry shrugged, turning to lead the way back to his living room, but Paulo's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Harry, wait," Paulo said, in an oddly commanding tone that was nothing at all like the voice he used on the pitch to bellow instructions to the back line. For no reason he found himself obeying, turning to look up at the unfairly attractive goalkeeper. "Answer the question."

Harry blinked. Where did Paulo get off bossing him around like that? He opened his mouth to say something bratty, but instead he heard himself say, "Yeah, come on in."

He could have sworn he saw a smile flicker across Paulo's face, but it was gone before he could be sure. Nonplussed, he turned away again and silently led the way down the hall to the living room.

He sprawled in his favourite chair, feeling sulky, and deliberately didn't meet Jan's eyes, or Paulo's when they came in and sat down side by side on the couch.

"Harry," Jan said carefully, "First of all, I want to apologise for my behaviour earlier. I shouldn't have hit you, or pulled your hair." He paused, looking at Harry expectantly.

"Oh, um, that's okay. I know I was being a bit of an ass."

"Still, that's no excuse for me to touch you like that… without your consent."

Harry stared at Jan, puzzled. "Without… my consent? Why would that be a thing someone would consent to…?"

Jan and Paulo exchanged a quick glance and Harry thought he saw Paulo give Jan just the tiniest nod.

"Let me ask you something else instead. When I hit you, when I grabbed your hair, how did you react?"

Harry blushed immediately. "I, um… why does it matter?"

Paulo spoke up, with that weirdly authoritative note in his voice again. "Answer him, Harry."

Harry's cock throbbed in his jeans, in case he had needed a reminder of what his reaction had been. "I, er… I kind of liked it? Even though it hurt. I know that's weird, but…"

"It's not weird," Jan said quietly.

"I-- it's not?"

Jan shook his head.

Harry felt more confused than before, somehow. "Okay… how do you…?"

"I know because I like it too," Jan said simply.

Harry opened his mouth, closed it again. "What?" he said, feeling stupid.

"Some people are… built so that they can find pleasure in pain, if it's in the right setting, with the right person, handled the right way," Jan explained. "I'm one of those people."

Harry looked back and forth between him and Paulo, a new possibility forming in his head. "You… he…?"

Jan nodded. "It's not just about pain, though. Do you know much about what's usually called BDSM?"

Harry blushed again. "Uh, not really. It's not one of the categories I've really explored on the porn sites. Always seemed too weird to me."

To his surprise Paulo rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. Instead, Jan plowed on. "So there's a lot of different things that fall under the BDSM label, but to make it simple, some people enjoy being submissive to a sexual partner, enjoy being dominated. Different people do different things of course, but… you understand?"

"Uh, I guess. But what's that got to do with--?"

"Harry, I'm trying to tell you that that's what this is," Jan said impatiently, waving a hand between himself and Paulo. "You figured out something was going on with us, and I'm telling you."

Harry wanted to disappear in embarrassment. "You… um, okay. So you guys are sleeping together, and you like being bossed around and stuff?"

"That's a little oversimplified, but yes," Paulo rumbled in a voice that made Harry shiver. "He is mine."

Harry's blush deepened. "Okay, well, um. Thanks for telling me, I guess? But what about… I mean, you're married, ain't you?"

"Yes," Jan said calmly. "I am."

"But you're… with Paulo?"

"Yes," Jan repeated. "Sophie and I have… an understanding, let's say."

"Uh, okay." Harry couldn't really think of anything else to say to that.

Jan glanced over at Paulo, who nodded encouragingly. Jan took a deep breath. "Wingzy, I'm not… not telling you this just because. It's… context that I think you need in order for us to talk about… everything that's happened between us over the last few days."

"Context?" Harry had never felt so lost.

"Harry, I want you to understand that I didn't…" Jan sighed. "I do want you," he said in a small voice. "It's just that… I don't know why, but when you kissed me, it made me feel things, want things, that were new to me, and I got scared."

Harry hardly heard most of this, his ears were ringing too loudly.  _ Jan said he does want me. _

Jan looked again at Paulo for support, took a deep breath, and continued. "I'm not used to… that is, I've always been either submissive, or in a vanilla relationship. But with you, I wanted to…" He stopped, blushing, and turned helplessly to Paulo.

"Jan wanted to dominate you," Paulo said in that deep voice of his. "He wanted to make you his, make you scream."

Harry sucked in a breath. He felt like he should say  _ something, _ but absolutely nothing was making it from his brain to his mouth.

"I-- I didn't know how to handle it," Jan confessed. "That's why I pulled away when you kissed me, why I left after I pulled your hair. I thought I… well, I thought you would hate me."

"I could never hate you," Harry blurted out. "Jan, I've l-liked you for  _ years." _ He had nearly said  _ loved you _ instead. 

Jan smiled, but it was hesitant, not something Harry was used to seeing from him. "So, with all of that said… well, I don't know where we go from here. I just had to tell you, is all."

Harry considered. "Is it… I mean, are you allowed to…?"

Paulo answered him. "Yes, Jan is allowed to have other lovers. I think you already know about Toby, yes?"

Harry blushed. "I, uh, yeah. I didn't mean to eavesdrop," he said lamely.

"I expect you to keep this to yourself, yes? All of this." Paulo's eyes felt like they were stabbing straight through Harry.

He swallowed and nodded. "I-- I will. So if… I mean, how would this work, all of this, if...?" Harry gestured to Jan, himself, and Paulo.

Jan took a deep breath. "I mean, if you're still… interested, then Paulo can teach me how to control myself, how to act on these urges safely." His entire face was glowing now, but his eyes wouldn't leave Harry's. "I'm not used to it, at all, but with you…" An odd shiver seemed to go through him. "Paulo's right. I want to make you mine."

Harry had to fight with every ounce of strength he had not to hurl himself at Jan when he heard that. He tried to say something, anything, but everything died in his throat.

"Wingzy?" Jan said, and his eyes were every shade of blue Harry had ever imagined. He wanted to fall into those eyes, even if he drowned. "What do you want?"

Harry sat frozen for another heartbeat, and then he was moving, not conscious of having made the decision to get up. He was on his feet, crossed his tiny living room, and he flung himself at Jan with seven years' worth of longing spurring him on. He found Jan's lips with his, his arms were around Jan's neck, he thrust his tongue into Jan's mouth with a passion born of desperation. He was pressing Jan back against the couch, sitting in his lap, and God, Jan was hard again, he could feel it, and he didn't think he could stand another second of not being Jan's, whatever that might mean.

"Yes," he mumbled into Jan's mouth. "Yes, yes, yes. Make me yours. Do whatever you want with me.  _ Please." _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Paulo smiled with satisfaction when Winks came crashing into Jan, all eagerness and no grace at all. Not that it mattered; Jan certainly didn't care. He wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and kissed him hungrily, sliding one hand up to grasp Harry's hair. 

Paulo scooted further down the couch to give them room, not taking his eyes off of them for a second. Jan pulled Winks's head back slightly and moved his lips downward, making Harry gasp softly when he dragged his teeth across the soft, freckled skin of his neck.

"Jan," Winksy moaned, his fingers sliding through Jan's hair in turn.  _ "Yes, _ god…"

Jan growled against Harry's neck, digging his teeth in slightly harder. Paulo leaned over and whispered in Jan's ear. "If you need to bite him, shoulder is better than neck."

Jan shifted further down until his lips were against the thicker muscle of Harry's shoulder. "Harry," he mumbled. "Tell me if you want me to stop." And then he pulled Harry's shirt to the side and bit down on the taut skin there.

Harry cried out, but it sounded to Paulo more like pleasure than pain. "Jan…" he whimpered. He squirmed on Jan's lap. "Please…"

Jan pulled back, his eyes alarmed. "Was that too much?"

"No," Harry panted. "More, please…"

"Wait," Paulo said sharply. "I think before anything else happens, we should talk just a little bit more."

Harry whined when Jan released him. "Please…"

"You need to learn patience," Paulo said firmly. "This is to keep you safe. Yes?"

Harry squirmed and sighed. "Fine," he grumbled.

"Ah," Paulo said. "If you want to do this, the first thing you must learn is basic respect."

Winks was entirely too adorable when he was confused, Paulo noticed. "Respect? But I…"

"First, for the record: you want to be with Jan?"

Harry nodded, looking slightly dazed.

"You understand what kind of relationship he wants to have with you?"

Another nod.

"And you consent?"

"Yes," Harry whined, pressing his face into Jan's neck.

"Good. Do you know what a safeword is?"

Harry shook his head.

"Sometimes the things you might do together could cross boundaries that other people might think go too far, but are still in the realm of pleasure for you and Jan. But if anything ever does go too far, it's important that there is a signal that you can give Jan that he will know means  _ stop _ instantly. It should be something unique, because some Doms and subs enjoy activities that even include things like screaming in pain, or even saying 'stop' or 'no' when in fact you do not really want to stop. The safeword is the most important, inviolable rule of a relationship like this. Understand?"

Harry nodded, his face slightly pale.

"Choose a word. Something you would not normally say when you are with Jan. Something with an unpleasant association, perhaps."

Harry stopped and thought for a while, his sweet face scrunched up in thought. Finally he smiled. "Okay, got it. Wenger."

All three of them burst out laughing at that, but when they sobered, Paulo fixed Winks with a hard stare. "Now then. Respect. Ultimately Jan will set whatever rules he sees fit for you, but there are some basics you should learn." He stopped and looked at Jan, considering. "Jan, you should tell him. It is for you to establish yourself as much as to teach him."

Jan blushed slightly, but he squared his shoulders. "Wingzy," he growled in a low voice. "When we're together, you keep quiet unless I say, or I ask you a question. Yeah?"

Harry squeaked faintly, but he nodded.

"And…" Jan's blush was deepening, and he glanced at Paulo awkwardly. "You… um…"

Paulo frowned. "Jan, what's wrong?"

Jan dropped his eyes to the floor. "I don't… I don't know if I can do this… sir."

"You can," Paulo said gently. "The question is if you truly want to."

Jan squirmed slightly. "It's just… it feels wrong to tell someone else how to do this, with you right here. I feel like I should be the one being… being told what to do."

Paulo hadn't thought of this. He should have; he had always known how deep the submission ran in Jan. He faced a tricky dilemma now: Jan wanted him here, to help him and teach him, but because he was here, Jan's instincts were telling him to submit to Paulo. It was a situation he had never faced before.

Finally he stood, stretching himself to his full height. "Maybe a demonstration then," he rumbled. "Harry will sit and watch."

Jan nodded, looking relieved. Harry seemed to be having trouble deciding whether he was more excited or confused.

"Kneel," Paulo commanded, and Jan eagerly slid Harry from his lap and assumed his usual position in front of Paulo: on his knees, eyes down, hands behind his back.

"Good," Paulo whispered. "Now, then, my Jan."

"Yes, sir?"

Out of the corner of his eye Paulo saw Harry shudder.

"You enjoy being mine, yes?"

"Yes, sir," Jan breathed.

"Harry wants to be yours. It may be difficult for you to adapt, but I believe you can, if this is what you want." Paulo let the silence stretch out, proud of Jan's discipline. "Is this what you want?"

"Yes, sir…"

Paulo arched an eyebrow, hearing the unspoken  _ but _ in Jan's voice.

"But you hesitate. Are you afraid this will change things with me?"

Jan nodded, trembling slightly.

Paulo reached out a hand and ran his fingers through Jan's hair tenderly, then suddenly clenched his fist, pulling on the beautiful auburn hair. He didn't bend at all, just looked down at the top of Jan's head, even as he pulled his face up against his crotch, pressing Jan's mouth to the spot where his cock was straining against his jeans.

"You are mine," Paulo growled. "You will always be mine. I didn't take the time to remind you of that before we came here, but I think I will fix this mistake now."

Jan whimpered faintly, pressing kisses to Paulo's dick through the denim.

"I've missed you and your pretty little mouth while I was away, Jan. Did you miss me?"

"Yes, sir," Jan murmured.

"You are going to show me how much you missed my cock, then. Put that gorgeous mouth of yours to good use and make me come, while Harry watches. Show him what a good boy you are for me, how a good boy sucks a cock."

Jan moaned eagerly, but wasted no time getting Paulo's jeans open. He seemed utterly unselfconscious like this, as if he had forgotten Harry was even there. He pulled Paulo's dick out and kissed it lovingly, sighing happily as he took it in his mouth. Paulo sighed, stroking Jan's hair. A sudden motion caught his eye.

"You," he said sharply to Harry, who had thrust a hand into his own jeans, "do not have permission to touch yourself.  _ Be still." _

Harry gaped at him, but obediently slipped his hand back out of his trousers, blushing.

Paulo turned his full attention back to Jan then, caressing his face and murmuring appreciatively to him as he worked hungrily on Paulo's cock, sliding it further and further down his throat with each bob of his head. "Ah, Jan, you're so good, my love…"

He was trying to keep himself from overtly watching Harry, relying on his peripheral vision to keep tabs on the young man, but even so he couldn't miss the way Harry was staring at them, eyes wide, mouth hanging slightly open. His hands were clenched into fists but he was keeping them well away from the bulge in his jeans.  _ Good boy, _ Paulo thought.

He had almost forgotten just how good Jan had gotten at sucking cock, he realised, feeling himself slip towards the end faster than he'd expected. He tightened his grip on Jan's hair again, thrusting into his mouth almost lazily. "Jan,  _ mi pelirrojito, _ ah, I love your mouth, it's so sweet," he murmured. "I love how hungry you are for me. Are you going to make me come, Jan?"

Jan moaned and nodded as best he could.

"Yes you are, good boy, fuck,  _ oh, _ Jan…" Paulo groaned, keeping his eyes locked onto Jan, watching him squirm happily when Paulo came, swallowing several times before he sagged back on his heels, eyes closed, and licked his lips.

"That was wonderful,  _ schatje," _ Paulo said softly, tucking his dick back in his pants and reaching down to help Jan to his feet. Jan smiled dreamily at Paulo, his eyes dark and full of need. Paulo kissed him tenderly, stroking his cheek with one thumb. "But now…"

Paulo held Jan at arm's length, looking at him closely. "Jan, my love, try not to drop right now. Can you stay with me? Look at Harry. Look how much he needs you."

Jan turned his head, his eyes slightly glassy. When he saw Harry, though, Paulo could almost see him fighting his way back. Winks was fidgeting restlessly on the couch, his body rigid, his fists pressed to his sides. He had bitten his lips until they were red and swollen, and his hips were actually lifted off the couch, the tent in his trousers pushing longingly towards them.

Jan blinked and swallowed, looking at Harry. He nodded. "Harry," he murmured, taking a step towards him.

Harry lunged forward and fell off the couch, landing on his knees. "Yes, s-sir," he mumbled, keeping his face down.

Jan glanced at Paulo, who nodded. Jan stepped up and ran his fingers through Harry's hair wonderingly. "Harry," he repeated, his voice an octave lower. "You see what it's like? You see why I do this? Do you still want this?"

"Yes, sir," Harry whispered. "Please…"

Jan tutted. "Remember, quiet unless I say otherwise."

Harry nodded, his ears and neck flaming.

"What a good boy you are," Jan murmured, stroking Harry's hair. "Tell me what you want."

"Jan-- sir, please, I want to touch you, or for you to touch me, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind,  _ please…" _

Jan hummed, considering. "Did you like seeing me serve Paulo?"

_ "Yes," _ Harry moaned. "Yes, sir."

"Would you like to do that for me?"

Harry moaned again. "Yes, god, yes sir,  _ please." _

Jan gestured to the bulge in his shorts. "Go on, then."

Harry shuffled forward on his knees until he was pressed right up against Jan, his mouth on the outline of Jan's dick, just as Jan had been with Paulo only a few minutes ago. He whined faintly, then tugged Jan's shorts down.

"Wait," Paulo said. "Harry."

Winks looked up at Paulo with those enormous brown eyes of his. "Yes, sir?"

Something inside Paulo purred.  _ He's not mine, _ he reminded himself sharply. "Have you done this before?"

Harry shook his head uncertainly.

"Don't try to do everything Jan did, then. Just do what you feel comfortable with. Believe me, Jan will still enjoy it."

Harry nodded, licked his lips, and turned back to Jan.

It was not the most graceful blowjob ever, for sure. Harry was awkward, even clumsy, making Paulo smile as he remembered what Jan had been like at first. He found himself daydreaming about the first time Jan had taken him in his mouth, in the showers at the training centre. It had been special, regardless of Jan's lack of skill at the time.

As he had suspected, Jan's excitement from having already sucked Paulo off meant that before long he was moaning and clutching at Harry's head, close to his breaking point. "Wingzy," he mumbled. "Ah, fuck,  _ Wingzy." _ He tangled his fingers in Harry's hair and thrust into his mouth fairly hard, holding him there while he came. Paulo had to put a hand on his arm to remind him to let Harry breathe.

Jan opened his eyes as he came down from his orgasm, trembling with aftershocks. "Harry," he whispered, looking down at him affectionately. "Harry, baby, that was incredible."

Harry swallowed and blushed, still on his knees. He opened his mouth, but caught himself in time. He nodded silently, beaming.

"Come here," Jan murmured. He pulled Harry to his feet and wrapped him up in his arms for a deep kiss, moaning at the taste of himself on Harry's tongue. Harry whimpered, rubbing his dick against Jan's thigh.

"Now is your turn, no?" Jan breathed, dropping one hand to Harry's pert little ass and giving it a squeeze, making Harry squeak.

Jan considered Harry thoughtfully, as if undecided about what exactly to do with him. He glanced at Paulo, who smiled slightly. Jan raised an eyebrow.

Paulo leaned over to whisper in Jan's ear. "If it were me, I would strip him bare, lay him down, and memorise every single centimetre of him," he murmured, letting his beard tickle Jan's ear. 

Jan considered it, then nodded. He bent slightly and scooped Harry up off his feet, then stalked through the house in search of a bedroom, with Paulo following behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Jan laid Harry out on his bed, whispering to him, telling him what a good boy he was. Every time Jan called him that, Harry shivered in the most delicious way, making Jan's dick twitch despite having just emptied himself down Harry's throat.

"Winksy," he murmured, standing up straight and looking down at the young man laid out on the bed, looking up at him with eyes large and dark and pleading. Harry was still fully dressed, in jeans and a white Spurs tee shirt. Jan had always loved the way Harry looked in white; it contrasted so perfectly with the deep golden tan of his skin, with his dark hair and eyes. "You are so beautiful."

Harry blushed and smiled up at Jan, but he was trembling, his hands fidgeting restlessly as he struggled to keep them away from where his cock was straining against his jeans.

"Lie still," Jan said quietly. Harry tried, taking deep breaths and flattening his hands against the mattress.

Jan knelt on the bed next to him and ran a hand over one of Harry's legs. He let himself brush against Harry's cock, just the tiniest bit, but it was enough. Harry let out a loud whimper, and his hips came up off the bed.

"So needy," Jan murmured. "You are so beautiful when you're desperate, baby." He began undoing Harry's jeans, taking his time, carefully avoiding touching his dick at all. He slowly pulled them off, along with his boxers, enjoying seeing Harry's legs being revealed bit by bit as he tugged the trousers down. 

Next he peeled off that white shirt, humming appreciatively as he did. Harry's torso was beautifully muscled, his skin practically glowing, freckles scattered everywhere like stars in the sky. Jan sighed at the sight of them; he had plenty of his own freckles, but they were different enough for Winksy's to seem new and exciting compared to his own.

He couldn't resist lowering his mouth to that golden skin, tasting it and testing Harry's reactions to different stimulus. He slid his hands slowly over every inch of him, pressing gently in some spots, ghosting his fingertips over others with feather-light touches. 

"Harry," Jan whispered. "You are  _ mine." _

"Yes… sir…" Harry sighed back. "Yours."

Jan found himself remembering the first time Paulo had done this with him, laid him down and taken his time to learn every inch of his body.

_ Paulo, Paulo… _

_ Tell me what you want, mi pelirrojito… _

He didn't know if he'd be able to make Harry feel the way that Paulo had made him feel, but he was determined to do his best.

He continued whispering to Harry as he worked his way down his legs, a steady stream of praise in both English and Dutch. He knew Harry couldn't understand the Dutch, but it didn't matter. The words mattered less than Harry hearing the affection in his voice, feeling the vibration of Jan's lips against his skin as he stroked fine brown hair and massaged tight muscles.

He worked his way back up to Harry's lips and took his time kissing him, stroking his face and his hair, savouring the taste of him, how soft Harry's lips were against his. Harry sighed into his mouth, his eyelashes fluttering against Jan's cheek.

"Jan… sir…"

Jan shivered. He loved hearing that from Harry, loved seeing him so willing to take whatever Jan would give him. It made him a little nervous to think about the apparent extent of Harry's feelings for him, but he couldn't deny that he was glad they were here, together now.

"Tell me what you want, Winksy," Jan breathed in his ear, consciously echoing Paulo's words to him, that first time.

"Touch me," Harry begged him, his voice full of yearning.  _ "Please _ touch me, I need you…"

Jan growled softly and slid his hands back down over Harry's chest, his taut stomach, hesitating just short of his cock.

"I'm going to touch you, Harry, don't worry," he whispered. "I want to touch you everywhere.”

Harry whimpered softly, biting his lip to keep from speaking out of turn. Jan slid one hand down between Harry’s legs, pressed a finger up against his puckered little hole.

“Do you like that, baby?”

“Yes, sir,” Harry managed, his voice high and soft. His eyes were closed, but Jan could see them moving behind the delicate skin of his eyelids. He traced his fingertip around the edges of Harry’s ass, then withdrew thoughtfully.

“Paulo, sir,” he murmured, shivering a little at the strangeness of addressing Paulo as his Dom while intent on taking apart his own sweet, new sub.

“Here,  _ schatje,” _ Paulo said quietly, slipping a small bottle of lube into Jan’s hand. “Don’t hold back.”

Jan nodded, not taking his eyes off of Harry. He slicked up his fingers quickly and rested his other hand flat against Harry's stomach as he slowly worked the first finger into Harry's ass.

Harry let out a soft gasp as Jan breached him, his eyes flying open. He stared longingly at Jan, who let out a low growl.

"Harry," he murmured. "One of the rules you need to learn is that unless I say otherwise, you keep your eyes down. Yes?" He stared at Harry, his eyes intense, until Harry blushed and lowered his eyes.

"I'm sorry, sir," he mumbled.

Jan smiled. "Good boy," he praised Harry. "You didn't know."

Harry smiled back, carefully keeping his eyes down, and it was so sweet that Jan had to bite his lip to keep from getting distracted. To emphasise the point, he slipped a second finger inside Harry.

Harry moaned softly, his hands balling into fists again at his sides.

"Have you done this before, Winksy?" Jan asked. "Had anyone touch you like this?"

Harry whimpered when Jan stroked his fingers over the sensitive little bundle of nerves inside him. "J-just by myself," he mumbled, blushing.

Jan let himself smile with delight at that, glad that Harry was obediently keeping his eyes down. He enjoyed the image of Harry fingering himself, one hand on his cock while the other was busy between his legs…

Jan eyed Harry's cock thoughtfully. It looked almost painfully hard at this stage, flushed and dripping. Jan wanted to wrap a hand around it, but he couldn't resist the look on Harry's face as he fought to keep from touching it. It was an exquisite mix of agony and lust, and Jan wanted to keep Harry there as long as he could. So he decided to ignore Harry's dick, tempting though it was, and see just how far he could take Harry with his fingers alone.

"Do you like doing that, baby? You like using your fingers, playing with your ass?"

"Yes," Winks moaned. "Yes, sir, b-but…" Harry bit his lip, evidently not sure if he was allowed to continue.

Jan raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"It's…" Harry interrupted himself with a gasp as Jan stroked his prostate again. "S-so much better with you doing it…"

Jan smiled to himself. "Even though I'm not touching your cock?"

Harry whined. "I-- I wish you would, but any way you want to touch me… is so good…"

"Good boy," Jan whispered. "You're allowed to have preferences, but what you want is me in control of your pleasure, yeah?"

"Yes, sir…"

A possessive little growl rose in Jan's throat at that. Hearing Harry call him  _ sir _ was something he had never guessed he would want, but now he couldn't get enough of it. Couldn't get enough of all the little noises Harry made, the way he trembled under Jan's touch.

"Look at you," he murmured fondly. "So good, lying so still, letting me do whatever I want with you. Are you mine, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry cried, shuddering again at the sensation of Jan's fingers inside him. "Yes, sir, Jan, I'm yours…"

"All mine?" Jan twisted his fingers, eliciting another gasp from Harry.

"Yes, sir."

"You like me playing with you like a toy?" Jan was sliding his fingers in and out of Harry now, fucking him just the way he would if it was his cock inside Harry rather than his fingers.

"Yes… sir…" Harry's voice was rising in pitch now, his hips unable to keep still any longer.

"You like me fucking you with my hand like this?"

"Yes," Harry moaned, his voice high and soft. "Yes, sir, fuck me… please…"

"Such a good boy," Jan murmured. "Maybe next time I'll fuck you for real, yeah? Would you like that?" He was making sure to massage Harry's prostate on every stroke now.

Harry was past the point of being able to answer him in words, but he moaned again, louder.

"Are you going to come for me, Harry? Going to come just from me doing this?" Jan didn't bother to wait for an answer-- Harry was clearly hovering on the edge. "Go on, baby. I want to see you come."

Harry arched his back, lifting himself off the bed, grabbing fistfuls of his own hair as he whined and groaned and came, clenching around Jan's fingers in a way that made his dick stir again.

"Oh," Jan said softly, watching Harry's beautiful face twisted with pleasure. "Oh, Harry. Fuck, you're so sexy. So good for me."

He slipped his fingers free and moved up to kiss Harry, slower and sweeter now. "Harry," he breathed, kissing him again and again. "My sweet Harry."

Harry smiled dreamily, his face lost in hazy bliss, but didn't try to reply.

"Jan," Paulo murmured. 

Jan looked up at Paulo, feeling that little jolt again at how strange it felt to remember his usual submission to Paulo on the heels of his session with Harry. The contrasting feelings made his head spin a bit, but he took a deep breath and steadied himself. "Yes, sir?"

"You did very well," Paulo said, stroking Jan's hair affectionately. "Now you need to take care of him until he recovers."

Jan blinked and looked back at Harry, who still looked somehow lost. He hadn't thought about this possibility at all. "I-- don't know how," he confessed. "I've never been on this side of it before. What should I do?"

"I'll help you. First, it's best to not leave him alone at any point until he is back to normal, so it's a good idea to get what you might need beforehand. A towel to clean up, a warm blanket, maybe some snacks, something to drink. Different people like different things. You'll learn what Harry needs, what he likes, the more you do this. The most important thing, though, is just to be with him, reassure him, hold him. He is very vulnerable now, and he needs you even more than he did before."

Jan took another steadying breath. "Okay," he said. "I can do that. But um, I didn't think to get anything ready first."

Paulo smiled. "This is why I'm here, no? To help. You stay here and cuddle with him, tell him how good he is." He turned and disappeared into the en suite, leaving Jan alone with Harry for the first time since he had run away from him earlier.

Jan lay down next to Harry and took hold of his hands, pressing his forehead to Harry's temple. "Harry," he breathed tenderly, kissing Harry's knuckles. "Harry, you did so good. I'm so proud of you, my sweet boy. Thank you so much, for this, all of this."

He continued to murmur praise and endearments to Harry, even after Paulo returned with a damp towel and a cup of water from the kitchen. Together they got Harry cleaned up, coaxed him to drink some water, and then got him tucked into the bed. Jan climbed in beside him to cuddle some more, but then looked back up at Paulo, who was standing next to the bed looking uncertain.

"What's wrong?" Jan asked softly, not wanting to disturb Harry.

"I don't…" Paulo trailed off and ran his hand over his hair. 

Jan frowned thoughtfully. His instinct was to ask Paulo to lay down and cuddle with them, but he could see why Paulo was hesitant. This was Harry's house, Harry's bed, and despite their shared relationship with Jan, it was unclear just how comfortable Harry would be with having Paulo climb into his bed.

Jan looked back down at the young man in his arms. "Harry," he said, pressing lightly on his arm. He didn't really want to disturb Harry, but this was important.

Harry stirred slightly, his eyes opening a tiny bit. "Yes, sir?"

Jan wanted to purr with satisfaction, hearing Harry call him that again, but he filed that reaction away for later. "Harry, I would love to lay here and cuddle you for a while. Is that okay?"

Harry nodded slowly.

"Thank you. I'd also like to be able to cuddle with Paulo. Is it okay if he lays down too?"

Another slow nod.

Paulo let out a breath. "Not quite how I might have done it, but I suppose it works," he murmured, sliding into the bed next to Jan.

With Harry in his arms and Paulo snuggling close beside him, wrapping his arms around Jan's waist, Jan let himself drift a little, thinking about the situation as a whole. He still wasn't completely sure about everything with Harry, but this, at least, was good. He spared a moment to reflect on how lucky he was, then went to sleep with the smell of Harry's hair in his nose and the steady beat of Paulo's heart thrumming against his back.


	5. Epilogue

Harry put his plate and cup down on the table and sat on the bench, next to Eric and across from Dele. They had been talking quietly, but the smirk on Dele's face told Harry that it wasn't anything serious enough for Harry to worry about interrupting them.

"Cheers, mate," Eric said, ruffling Harry's hair. "You look in a better state than last time I saw you."

Harry tried not to blush. The last time he had been around Eric was at Jan's barbecue. He took a drink from his cup-- lemonade, this time-- and shrugged. "Just enjoying the break, is all."

"Up to anything new?" Dele asked, still smirking. Harry always got the slightly uneasy feeling that Dele knew all his secrets, but he brushed it off this time. For once, Harry had a secret that he felt confident Dele couldn't possibly know.

Harry shrugged again and gave Dele a sunny smile. "Not really. Just the usual off-season, you know. Lots of relaxing."

Dele's eyebrow quirked slightly, but he just smiled back, and it was genuine. "Good deal. Ready to get back to it, then?" The start of pre-season was only days off.

Harry sighed. "I s'pose, just wish the break were a bit longer."

"Fair," Eric said. "But tour will be fun, yeah? Singapore and all that."

"Yeah, true," Harry allowed with a smile. He had an extra reason to look forward to the tour-- he and Jan would be rooming together in the hotel. The thought of it made him shiver.

He glanced around the garden where they were sat eating-- barbecue, again-- until he spotted Jan. He was standing by the grill and talking to Mich and Toby, who was today's host. Harry watched as Jan said something that made Toby laugh out loud, his head tipping back. Harry loved the way Jan grinned when he made someone laugh-- it made him look like a mischievous kid.

Harry smiled to himself as he listened to Eric and Dele chatting about the tour, rubbing his jaw. It was still a little sore from sucking Jan's dick just that morning. He felt himself harden a little at the memory.

He took another drink of his lemonade, hoping it would help cool the heat that was rising in him as he watched Jan. He couldn't seem to help himself; every time he looked at Jan his mind kept drifting back to thoughts of what they had done together, and what Harry wanted to do… or what he wanted Jan to do to him.

As he watched, Jan leaned in and said something else in Toby's ear. Toby nodded and turned over grill duty to Mich, then headed inside the house. Jan watched him go with a gleam in his eye that Harry recognised. 

Jealousy flared in him for a second, hot and ugly, exactly as it had when Harry had seen Jan and Toby kissing last time. It was a feeling Harry had struggled with for a long time, whenever Jan had been close to or flirted with anyone over the last several years, even when it was actually innocent.

But this time, instead of sinking into his jealousy, letting it take over, Harry took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, actively trying to expel the feeling. He didn't really have a reason to be jealous, not anymore.

On a sudden impulse Harry drained the rest of his lemonade and got to his feet. "Need a refill," he mumbled to Dele and Eric, trying to sound casual. The table with the drinks was remarkably close to the grill. Harry made for it, his pulse quickening as he got close. He was approaching from an angle that meant Jan couldn't see him coming-- though Jan probably wouldn't have noticed him anyway, not with the way he was staring after Toby.

When Harry went to pass Jan to get to the drinks table, he suddenly stumbled, bumping smack into Jan and dropping his cup. He heard a startled mutter, but he kept his head down, turned so that his back was to Jan, and bent to retrieve his cup just as Jan turned around-- if he had timed it right.

Harry glanced over his shoulder without straightening up. Sure enough, Jan had turned around, and was now staring down at Harry's ass. Jan started to say something, but he cleared his throat instead.

"Sorry about that," Harry said, flashing Jan a sweet smile. "Didn't see you there." He straightened up slowly and sauntered on to the drinks table. He pretended to be solely focused on pouring himself more lemonade, but he snuck a look up at Jan through his eyelashes. Jan was watching him with a raised eyebrow and a slight flush on his cheeks. 

Harry felt a small surge of triumph as he passed Jan again, heading back to his table. Even if Jan followed Toby inside in another minute, Harry was satisfied he had Jan's attention right now, and that was absolutely worth the spanking he was sure to get later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap for this story! As always, massive thanks to my cowriter ayerlind for all their help with everything.
> 
> Title comes from the lyrics of "The Scientist" by Coldplay, which Winksy has said is his favorite song. ^_^


End file.
